I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i will never coherently bang her
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
