Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize