I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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