who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
