I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just invented taco cereal.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
