Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize