We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
