Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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