u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
