I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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