1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
