Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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