Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
