Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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