Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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