I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
