So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
