cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
