just tell him i said nine months
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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