mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
