What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
