What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.