I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"