doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.