Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
