i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Found the puke drawer
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
