Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much rum. So many feels.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize