Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
