You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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