I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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