The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
how drunk are you?
Several
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
