he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
