i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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