You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
