Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Life is so much better after having sex.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
