Umm I'm too high to move.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
