i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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