The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
