what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
