Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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