had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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