Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
