so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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