you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
