Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
