Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
