C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
