i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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