Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
