dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
We got so high we made milksteak
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
