He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
