i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize