And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
