dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Im part way to drunk.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
