Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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