it's too hot outside to masturbate.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
