thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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