Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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