You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Randomize
