The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
