Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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