well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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